Family to Fortune

So if anyone really knows me that well
they know that I've had some issues,
past and present,
with and agaisnt my family.
As a young girl,
christianity was never my thing.
I hated christianity,
I hated christians
and therefor hated my family.
At least, I thought I did.
All I really hated,
in the end,
turned out to be myself.
So it came as a shock to me
when I found out that my older brother,
Nick,
who really had other people to hang out with
and better things to do
decided to take more interest in me.
From dragging me to church
to singing with me on the way to school
he slowly creeped his way in to my inner sanctum.
One day
when he was driving us to church
he asked me something that I never really realized was,
infact,
true.
He asked me if I was depressed.
I looked at him for a while before lying to him
No.
And he knew it wasn't true.
So,
he kept pushing and pushing
pointing out things that made me go near into tears
and it was then I realized that he had known all along.
That was when I realized I hated myself
to the point that I blamed everyone else around me.
Depression works in mysterious ways&&
Family sure can turn things around.

Early Release is Stupid, or am I just biased?

So
Here's the deal.
I think that early release days,
you know where you get out at 1 instead of 3,
are MENTALLY RETARDED.
They should be banned from all school systems.
I'd seriously rather sit through a full day of class
But, maybe I'm just biased.
I hate early release because I don't get to go home until AFTER the time I'd actually get out of a regular school day
Because my Dad,
being a teacher at this fine establishment,
has meetings until FOUR O'CLOCK.
Freaking stupid.
So I'm stuck sitting in his classroom until after regular school hours
with nothing to do
because this fine establishment BLOCKS EVERY FREAKIN' WEBSITE KNOW TO MAN.


Therefore
Early release days are mentally incapable of being correct
and should be bannished to netherland.


LOL>:(

The White Kid Saga - Alien Invasion. AKA my brother and his friends being retarded:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kg-jCkaTjXk

Go ahead, type it in :)

Have you ever stopped to think....

Ok well just a second ago I was on facebook [ :) ] watching a video of my friend Mikey P. sing a song he wrote
And something sort of hit me again.
I've never really stopped to think about where I'll be in 20...30...40 years. Not even 10 years.
I don't have a clue what I'm doing.
Not that anyone every really knows exactly whats going to happen in their life
but I've got nothing set.
At all.
While I was watching this video of Mikey P. I knew in my heart that he'll definitely be famous one day
Because he's amazing.
Me? I don't know if I'll be anything really
I mean, I know right now that there is something I really want to do
But I don't know if I could pull it off.
And then there's writing....which I do a lot of already
(obviously)
but I don't think I could get much for doing that.
I know I'd make my friends buy my book :)
But I don't know if anyone else would.
So here I am
with nothing planned
nothing set
and I'm happy about it.
I don't even know if I'm going to UK or if my parents will let me go to Bible College
or if I'll end up going to college at all.
I want to, but I don't know.
I don't know any of these things
BECAUSE
I'm letting God decide for me.
So
Mikey P. is singing for God
and he's amazing
Because that's how God wants him.
Where does God want me?
When does He want me?
How does He want me?
I
Don't
Have
A
Clue.

But I'll go wherever He wants, I'll do whatever He wants, and I'll do it how He wants.
And that's all I truly know.


http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1145221595170&ref=nf

LOL:)

Wow.

So just a moment ago I had an epiphany. A rather startling epiphany, that is. My life so far, I've always felt pained and hurt by the past like it couldn't have happened in an even worse fashion. Well, I was thinking about how I'm so wrong. Pain has made me the person I am today.

I was listening to a song by David Crowder Band called How He Loves us and it just sort of hit me.
"Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest. And I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way...He loves us Oh he how he loves us Oh how he loves us Oh how he loves."

And so I started thinking through reasons of why I used to be so hurt and I realized that it wasn't anything I could have controlled. The blame I had always placed upon my self vanished. Death was not something I was the dicider of. If God wanted them back, then he could have them no matter how much I missed them now. I realized in my heart that I would see them again soon enough.

When I was younger, I went to my grandmother's house everyday. All of our cousins went everyday. So my brother and I would go upstairs and play with our cousins in the playroom attick, but seeing as they were all guys they usually kicked me out. Sarah, my only girl cousin, would try to get me to play with them sometimes but it usually didn't work out, and I usually ended up going downstairs to sit in a room by myself. Well one day, my grandmother got really sick. Dealthy sick. Cancer was killing her from the inside out. Not that I knew that at the time, I just knew she was sick and I needed to leave her alone. And she stayed sick. After a while she was taken care of at home by a nurse that would come see her everyday, and everyday I would sit on the stairs and watch her take care of my grandmother. Well one day, as I remember it, her heart monitor started slowing but I didn't think anything of it, I just thought she was asleep. I was so young I didn't realize how serious the situation was. Well I sat on the stairs and listened to her heart monitor slow into one steady line of a beep. I'd never heard that before. What I hadn't realized at the time was that my grandmother had just died. I got scared and started calling for my mom but before I knew it all my aunts and uncles and my mom and the nurse where in there crying. It wasn't until the funeral that I'd realized what I'd witnessed at such a young age.

When I was six I was diagnosed with a near deadly kidney problem that my cousin Sarah had also had when she had been my age. Sarah's cleared up with the pill we'd had to take once a day; mine didn't. I had to have surgery when I was twelve. But that's not the point. My parents, bother being teachers, couldn't take off work to take care of me when I got sick during the school year so they had their friend, my first best friend besides Kennedy Collier, to take off work and take me home. His name was Steve Birely and he'd had the same birthday as me, and as much as I can remember he'd come to alot of my birthday parties. Steve made me take my medicine everyday even though I never wanted to. When I was thirteen, a year after my kidney surgery, Steve died in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. His request was that we spread his ashes on our farm from the top of our highest hill.

So while I was thinking about these two significant incidinces in my life, I realized that even though it hurt me I was happy to let them go. Because I know that one day I'll see them again, and then I'll have the chance to thank them for everything they did for me. I consider myself lucky to have the pain of losing my two closest childhood best friends go. I consider myself lucky to get to see them again one day. Because they both are with God.

John 3:16 "For God loved the world so much, that he sent his one and only son, so that whoever beilieves in him, shall not die forever, but live forever."

OHHH MYYY GOSHH! :D

Last night was AMAZING.
The BEST concert of my life
The David Crowder Band Concert!

So before the show, we stopped to get something to eat at McDonalds
And being the crazy kid that I am I got two of the my little pony toys from the Happy Meal
Just to be stupid haha
But then Justin told me that if I could get David Crowder to take home my two my little ponies
He would give me major props
So I was like iight I'll do it.
It was easier than I thought haha:)

So at the concert I was literally right next to the stage right in front of where David Crowder was going to be
So during the concert he would stop and talk and be comedic
Well Justin was like GO CAITLIN GO GIVE HIM ONE OF YOUR PONIES
So I picked up my little pony and waved it around in front of David until he looked at me
When I gave him the first pony he looked around at his band and said
Wow. This is the first time I've ever been gifted a pony. What's its name?
I thought he'd said does it have a mane
So I said
Yeah, somebody shaved its head!
And he starts laughing and says
Wow! Thats a REDICULOUS name! What is the significance of this pony?
I said
I GOT IT AT MCDONALDS! :)
And he laughed again and asked
What's your name?
And I said
CAITLIN!
So then the rest of the concert he called me out by name:)

The second time I gifted him a pony he looked back and forth to his orignal pony and the new one before he picked it up and said
Wow...Caitlin has just gifted me another pony.
And I was jumping up and down saying
Pony! Pony! Pony!
And he laughed and said
Caitlin over here is jumping saying PONY PONY PONY! I mean I'll bet she's got some air between her heel and the ground!
And everyone around me laughed and said YEAH!
And then they put me on the cam and David was like there she is! Caitlin!
So after a while I was burning up so I told Justin I was going to go out in the foyar to get some air
and while I was out there, before the concert even ended
People walked by and said hey! It's Caitlin, the Pony girl!
And I was like Yeah! Heyyy...:)
And then the two opening bands came out and talked to me haha:)
But then this woman came out and she was like
You're Caitlin, right? The one with the ponies?
And I was like yeahh...
And she said
Well David Crowder is in there asking for you!
And I was like :OOOOOO!
NU UH!
And he was:)
My brother told him I went back to McDonalds to get more ponies haha:)!

And then I bought a David Crowder Band Horse tshirt! HAHA:)
And at least 20 people individually called me out by CAITLIN, THE PONY GIRL!
So that just goes to show
I'm not afraid to talk to anyone:)
Even famous people! HAHA:)
And I'm totally David Crowder's new best friend EVER!:)
BEST


CONCERT


EVER!!!

LOL:)

He is jealous for me

Loves like a hurricane

I am a tree

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy

When all of a sudden

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory

And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me

And oh

How he loves us oh

How he loves us oh

How he loves


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJyW55AXJAk

If I was in Prison....

So lunch is the most interesting part of my day

Because that's when I'm hyper

And such crazyness is so strong, I only allow it upon myself once a day:)

The other day

Well Monday

I was up until 4 in the morning watching Gang Land on the History Channel

And they were showing an issue of The Arayan Brothers

and it showed how they got their drugs and how they hid their weapons

At lunch on Wednesday I remembered why I'd laughed so hard Monday morning

So I was sitting with Rachaelrayray and Bethanaynay

Eating lunch when it hit me

and I started cracking up

Big time.

And they both looked at me and laughed in that weird tone

You know

the one where people look at you weird and laugh along with you because they think you're crazy:)

I am. Ha ha:)

And so I tried to explain to them in lamen terms why I was crying laughing

These were the words that came out of my mouth:

"I was up one night watching TV at 4 in the morning and this guy got a knife stuck up his butt and couldn't get it out and he had to fight a whole gang and so he had to get it out real fast and he couldn't do it so he had to go to the prison warden to get it out which had to be really embarrassing and then later in the show they hid crack inside cereal pieces and I was thinking about how they hid the cereal like if how they hid their weapons." One sentence. Really fast.

And I'm crying laughing.

By the time I was done saying that they were both crying laughing too because they had no idea what I said and I was still laughing. After we all calmed down and wiped our faces off I said:

"And then they talked through toilets."

So, they both started laughing again because they had no idea what I was talking about and I just stared at them really weird until they stopped. Good Times.

After that we talked about how I'd eventually get put in prison one day for having a rectal sword fight in the streets of Danville. And then about how I'd be so GANGSTA rulin tha halls of my woman prison and chillin wit muh homies! You got that G?!

And that's pretty much how my lunches roll everyday.

LOL:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp6eswhgOKk