Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

"The moral life of man forms part of the subject-matter of the artist, but the morality of art consists in the perfect use of an imperfect medium. No artist desires to prove anything. Even things that are true can be proved. No artist has ethical sympathies. An ethical sympathy in an artist is an unpardonable manerism of style. No artist is ever morbid. The artist can express everything. Thought and language are to the artist instruments of an art. Vice and virtue are to the artist materials for an art. From the point of veiw of form, the type of all the arts is the art of the musician. From the point of veiw of feeling, the actor's craft is the type. All art is at once surface and symbol. Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril. Those who read the symbol do so at their own peril. It is the spectator, and not life, that art reall mirrors." - Oscar Wilde.
"Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault. Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated. For these there is hope. They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only beauty. There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all." - Oscar Wilde.
"But beauty, real beauty, ends where an intellectual expression begins. Intellect is in itself a mode of exaggeration, and destroys the harmony of any face."- Oscar Wilde.
"An artist should create beautiful things, but should put nothing of his own life into them."- Oscar Wilde.
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful."- Oscar Wilde.
"You are a wonderful creation. You know more than you think you know, just as you know less than you want to know."- Oscar Wilde.
"Yes; he would try to be to Dorian Gray what, without knowing it, the lad was to the painter who had fashioned the wonderful portrait. He would seek to dominate him-had already, indeed, half done so. He would make that wonderful spirit his own. There was something fascinating in this son of Love and Death."- Oscar Wilde.
"Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world's original sin. If the cave-man had known how to laugh, History would have been different."- Oscar Wilde.
"The quivering, ardent sunlight showed him the lines of cruelty round the mouth as clearly as if he had been looking into a mirror after he had done some dreadful thing."- Oscar Wilde.
"His unreal and selfish love would yield to some higher influence, would be transformed into some nobler passion, and the portrait that Basil Hallward had painted of him would be a guide to him through life, would be to him what holiness is to some, and conscience to others, and the fear of God to us all. There were opiates for remorse, drugs that could lull the moral sense to sleep. But here was a visible symbol of the degradation of sin. Here was an ever-present sign of the ruin men brought upon their souls."- Oscar Wilde.

Blame

A standard cross

Symbol of loss

And yet of so much gain

A love so strong

My heart belongs

Where His blood took my blame

My head so filled

My heart has stilled

His grace, I do acclaim.

Amazing Grace

Your love so strong

Yet earth so binding

I cannot see your face.

Please lead me on

In Your Holy song

Your true loves song

Entitled Amazing Grace.

All is Fair in Love and War?

Broken hearts left in shards

Of all this broken glass

Bleed to death

And laid to rest

Weary from their past...

The ones fixed up

No bruise nor scar

Lay peacefully in sun

A happy heart

Alive and vibrant

Beat with love so strong...

So all is fair in love and war,

When hearts so cruely broken?

I think not, for hearts so fraught

Because love is not a token.

When cast aside

Barely alive

Whom would you say is loved?

So speak no vows

Until love found

War is not forsaken.

Grind Those Geers.

Freshman = ANGER.
Nuff' Said.
Ultimately,
Freshman are the cause of my daily annoyance.
If I could set them all up in a line in the parking lot
And run them over with a semi truck
without causing fatalities or injuries,
just ANNOY the crap out of them
I WOULD DO IT EVERYDAY.
Why do you need to stop on the middle of a hallway that is barely
even 3 feet wide?
GRIND THOSE GEERS FRESHMAN, GRIND EM!

Ending The Fall Semester...Beginning a new strand of pain and suffering.

So this semester was OKAY.
Not good,
But definitely ANNOYING!
Honors Biology is something I'm prepared to scream and shout and run for joy to NEVER HAVE TO TAKE IT AGAIN.
I just dont understand why she doesnt teach us the material the first time instead of reteaching and reteaching the SAME MATERIAL at LEASTT three effing times!
WHAT THE HECK
So annoying.
My dads class is alright
Despite the fact that I suck life at painting.
English is easy because
HAA
Im easily one of Mrs K's Favorites
Which is actually, truthfully
REALLY ANNOYING ALSO
Why should I have to sit in the flipping library and WATCH PEOPLE TAKE TESTS THAT IVE ALREADY TAKEN?
I need to learn things in class too, MRS K!
Im not an effing genius.
Andd AG is particularly easy
Because is Mrs M
And shes my favorite teacherr EVER
I love her
Shes hilarious
Because she makes fun of retarded and annoying people((:
And everyone in that class is hilarious too
And two of my BIFFS! are in that class
And Katie
If your'e reading this
I LOVE YOU!((:
Next semester I have chamber singers
And I am ultimately going to kill myself.
Mrs S is a spawn of the devil reencarnated.
She really grinds my effing geers.
Hopefully though,
I'll live to write another blog.

LOL(:

Family to Fortune

So if anyone really knows me that well
they know that I've had some issues,
past and present,
with and agaisnt my family.
As a young girl,
christianity was never my thing.
I hated christianity,
I hated christians
and therefor hated my family.
At least, I thought I did.
All I really hated,
in the end,
turned out to be myself.
So it came as a shock to me
when I found out that my older brother,
Nick,
who really had other people to hang out with
and better things to do
decided to take more interest in me.
From dragging me to church
to singing with me on the way to school
he slowly creeped his way in to my inner sanctum.
One day
when he was driving us to church
he asked me something that I never really realized was,
infact,
true.
He asked me if I was depressed.
I looked at him for a while before lying to him
No.
And he knew it wasn't true.
So,
he kept pushing and pushing
pointing out things that made me go near into tears
and it was then I realized that he had known all along.
That was when I realized I hated myself
to the point that I blamed everyone else around me.
Depression works in mysterious ways&&
Family sure can turn things around.

Early Release is Stupid, or am I just biased?

So
Here's the deal.
I think that early release days,
you know where you get out at 1 instead of 3,
are MENTALLY RETARDED.
They should be banned from all school systems.
I'd seriously rather sit through a full day of class
But, maybe I'm just biased.
I hate early release because I don't get to go home until AFTER the time I'd actually get out of a regular school day
Because my Dad,
being a teacher at this fine establishment,
has meetings until FOUR O'CLOCK.
Freaking stupid.
So I'm stuck sitting in his classroom until after regular school hours
with nothing to do
because this fine establishment BLOCKS EVERY FREAKIN' WEBSITE KNOW TO MAN.


Therefore
Early release days are mentally incapable of being correct
and should be bannished to netherland.


LOL>:(

The White Kid Saga - Alien Invasion. AKA my brother and his friends being retarded:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kg-jCkaTjXk

Go ahead, type it in :)

Have you ever stopped to think....

Ok well just a second ago I was on facebook [ :) ] watching a video of my friend Mikey P. sing a song he wrote
And something sort of hit me again.
I've never really stopped to think about where I'll be in 20...30...40 years. Not even 10 years.
I don't have a clue what I'm doing.
Not that anyone every really knows exactly whats going to happen in their life
but I've got nothing set.
At all.
While I was watching this video of Mikey P. I knew in my heart that he'll definitely be famous one day
Because he's amazing.
Me? I don't know if I'll be anything really
I mean, I know right now that there is something I really want to do
But I don't know if I could pull it off.
And then there's writing....which I do a lot of already
(obviously)
but I don't think I could get much for doing that.
I know I'd make my friends buy my book :)
But I don't know if anyone else would.
So here I am
with nothing planned
nothing set
and I'm happy about it.
I don't even know if I'm going to UK or if my parents will let me go to Bible College
or if I'll end up going to college at all.
I want to, but I don't know.
I don't know any of these things
BECAUSE
I'm letting God decide for me.
So
Mikey P. is singing for God
and he's amazing
Because that's how God wants him.
Where does God want me?
When does He want me?
How does He want me?
I
Don't
Have
A
Clue.

But I'll go wherever He wants, I'll do whatever He wants, and I'll do it how He wants.
And that's all I truly know.


http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1145221595170&ref=nf

LOL:)

Wow.

So just a moment ago I had an epiphany. A rather startling epiphany, that is. My life so far, I've always felt pained and hurt by the past like it couldn't have happened in an even worse fashion. Well, I was thinking about how I'm so wrong. Pain has made me the person I am today.

I was listening to a song by David Crowder Band called How He Loves us and it just sort of hit me.
"Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest. And I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way...He loves us Oh he how he loves us Oh how he loves us Oh how he loves."

And so I started thinking through reasons of why I used to be so hurt and I realized that it wasn't anything I could have controlled. The blame I had always placed upon my self vanished. Death was not something I was the dicider of. If God wanted them back, then he could have them no matter how much I missed them now. I realized in my heart that I would see them again soon enough.

When I was younger, I went to my grandmother's house everyday. All of our cousins went everyday. So my brother and I would go upstairs and play with our cousins in the playroom attick, but seeing as they were all guys they usually kicked me out. Sarah, my only girl cousin, would try to get me to play with them sometimes but it usually didn't work out, and I usually ended up going downstairs to sit in a room by myself. Well one day, my grandmother got really sick. Dealthy sick. Cancer was killing her from the inside out. Not that I knew that at the time, I just knew she was sick and I needed to leave her alone. And she stayed sick. After a while she was taken care of at home by a nurse that would come see her everyday, and everyday I would sit on the stairs and watch her take care of my grandmother. Well one day, as I remember it, her heart monitor started slowing but I didn't think anything of it, I just thought she was asleep. I was so young I didn't realize how serious the situation was. Well I sat on the stairs and listened to her heart monitor slow into one steady line of a beep. I'd never heard that before. What I hadn't realized at the time was that my grandmother had just died. I got scared and started calling for my mom but before I knew it all my aunts and uncles and my mom and the nurse where in there crying. It wasn't until the funeral that I'd realized what I'd witnessed at such a young age.

When I was six I was diagnosed with a near deadly kidney problem that my cousin Sarah had also had when she had been my age. Sarah's cleared up with the pill we'd had to take once a day; mine didn't. I had to have surgery when I was twelve. But that's not the point. My parents, bother being teachers, couldn't take off work to take care of me when I got sick during the school year so they had their friend, my first best friend besides Kennedy Collier, to take off work and take me home. His name was Steve Birely and he'd had the same birthday as me, and as much as I can remember he'd come to alot of my birthday parties. Steve made me take my medicine everyday even though I never wanted to. When I was thirteen, a year after my kidney surgery, Steve died in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. His request was that we spread his ashes on our farm from the top of our highest hill.

So while I was thinking about these two significant incidinces in my life, I realized that even though it hurt me I was happy to let them go. Because I know that one day I'll see them again, and then I'll have the chance to thank them for everything they did for me. I consider myself lucky to have the pain of losing my two closest childhood best friends go. I consider myself lucky to get to see them again one day. Because they both are with God.

John 3:16 "For God loved the world so much, that he sent his one and only son, so that whoever beilieves in him, shall not die forever, but live forever."

OHHH MYYY GOSHH! :D

Last night was AMAZING.
The BEST concert of my life
The David Crowder Band Concert!

So before the show, we stopped to get something to eat at McDonalds
And being the crazy kid that I am I got two of the my little pony toys from the Happy Meal
Just to be stupid haha
But then Justin told me that if I could get David Crowder to take home my two my little ponies
He would give me major props
So I was like iight I'll do it.
It was easier than I thought haha:)

So at the concert I was literally right next to the stage right in front of where David Crowder was going to be
So during the concert he would stop and talk and be comedic
Well Justin was like GO CAITLIN GO GIVE HIM ONE OF YOUR PONIES
So I picked up my little pony and waved it around in front of David until he looked at me
When I gave him the first pony he looked around at his band and said
Wow. This is the first time I've ever been gifted a pony. What's its name?
I thought he'd said does it have a mane
So I said
Yeah, somebody shaved its head!
And he starts laughing and says
Wow! Thats a REDICULOUS name! What is the significance of this pony?
I said
I GOT IT AT MCDONALDS! :)
And he laughed again and asked
What's your name?
And I said
CAITLIN!
So then the rest of the concert he called me out by name:)

The second time I gifted him a pony he looked back and forth to his orignal pony and the new one before he picked it up and said
Wow...Caitlin has just gifted me another pony.
And I was jumping up and down saying
Pony! Pony! Pony!
And he laughed and said
Caitlin over here is jumping saying PONY PONY PONY! I mean I'll bet she's got some air between her heel and the ground!
And everyone around me laughed and said YEAH!
And then they put me on the cam and David was like there she is! Caitlin!
So after a while I was burning up so I told Justin I was going to go out in the foyar to get some air
and while I was out there, before the concert even ended
People walked by and said hey! It's Caitlin, the Pony girl!
And I was like Yeah! Heyyy...:)
And then the two opening bands came out and talked to me haha:)
But then this woman came out and she was like
You're Caitlin, right? The one with the ponies?
And I was like yeahh...
And she said
Well David Crowder is in there asking for you!
And I was like :OOOOOO!
NU UH!
And he was:)
My brother told him I went back to McDonalds to get more ponies haha:)!

And then I bought a David Crowder Band Horse tshirt! HAHA:)
And at least 20 people individually called me out by CAITLIN, THE PONY GIRL!
So that just goes to show
I'm not afraid to talk to anyone:)
Even famous people! HAHA:)
And I'm totally David Crowder's new best friend EVER!:)
BEST


CONCERT


EVER!!!

LOL:)

He is jealous for me

Loves like a hurricane

I am a tree

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy

When all of a sudden

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory

And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me

And oh

How he loves us oh

How he loves us oh

How he loves


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJyW55AXJAk

If I was in Prison....

So lunch is the most interesting part of my day

Because that's when I'm hyper

And such crazyness is so strong, I only allow it upon myself once a day:)

The other day

Well Monday

I was up until 4 in the morning watching Gang Land on the History Channel

And they were showing an issue of The Arayan Brothers

and it showed how they got their drugs and how they hid their weapons

At lunch on Wednesday I remembered why I'd laughed so hard Monday morning

So I was sitting with Rachaelrayray and Bethanaynay

Eating lunch when it hit me

and I started cracking up

Big time.

And they both looked at me and laughed in that weird tone

You know

the one where people look at you weird and laugh along with you because they think you're crazy:)

I am. Ha ha:)

And so I tried to explain to them in lamen terms why I was crying laughing

These were the words that came out of my mouth:

"I was up one night watching TV at 4 in the morning and this guy got a knife stuck up his butt and couldn't get it out and he had to fight a whole gang and so he had to get it out real fast and he couldn't do it so he had to go to the prison warden to get it out which had to be really embarrassing and then later in the show they hid crack inside cereal pieces and I was thinking about how they hid the cereal like if how they hid their weapons." One sentence. Really fast.

And I'm crying laughing.

By the time I was done saying that they were both crying laughing too because they had no idea what I said and I was still laughing. After we all calmed down and wiped our faces off I said:

"And then they talked through toilets."

So, they both started laughing again because they had no idea what I was talking about and I just stared at them really weird until they stopped. Good Times.

After that we talked about how I'd eventually get put in prison one day for having a rectal sword fight in the streets of Danville. And then about how I'd be so GANGSTA rulin tha halls of my woman prison and chillin wit muh homies! You got that G?!

And that's pretty much how my lunches roll everyday.

LOL:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp6eswhgOKk

Uhumm.
Yes.



So today was another really odd feeling day.
Do you ever have one of those days where you can't follow your own thoughts?
Well, thats most days for me, but yesterday and today have been like flipping rediculous.
Crazy!
At lunch I kept thinking about how prisoners can make lethal weapons out of random stuff...
Like...
Sporks.
So then I subconsiously broke a spork and attempted to sharpen it.
I don't know, it was crazy!
I felt possesed or something.
One day at lunch last year I was trying to stay focused on one single thought at a time,
Which is difficult for me, to say the least.
Anyway, I wasn't paying attention and then Kelsey poked me to check if I was alive I guess
Well, when you poke me it magically makes words flow out of my mouth apparently, and anything I'm thinking of comes out.
So I said, "Have you ever wondered what a dragon puff-ball looks like?"
Which was apparently really funny to everyone else, but I was seriously curious.
And I kept rambling on and on about how I wanted one because it could float and look cute and cuddely while still being awesomely dangerous.
See how I did that?
I completely changed the subject from spork shanks to random thoughts.
Yeah...I'm a master at conversation.
Mainly because when you poke me
I speak no matter what I'm thinking of.
Honestly I do.
Anyone who knows me, if we're hanging out sometime soon and I sort of drift off or whatever
Poke me.
I promise words will magically flow from my mouth.



The only problem you'll have is getting me to shut up :).





LOL:)

April 1, 2009 - The Day That Changed It All

Let me set up my life before Indian Hills Christian church.

I was atheist.
I was depressed for stupid reasons.
I did stupid things and hung out with some of the worst people
and was committed to doing things I knew I shouldn't have done.
I just plain out didn't care about anything or anyone.
I helped to hurt my best friend so that I wasn't the only one suffering.
I was awful and I don't see how anyone wanted to be around me.
I was suicidal.
I thought that having to be my older brothers little sister was the worst possible thing in the whole entire world, and I hated him for being so amazing.
My older brother, Nicholas Michael Camic, whether he knows it or not stopped me from
taking away my own life.
I'd had it planned out.
He begged me to go to youth group with him one night at his church, Indian Hills Christian Church.
He begged me.
I just wanted him to shut up and leave me alone, so I went.
He saved my life that night.

I heard Justin preach his sermon that night.
I sat all alone in the far corner, and I couldn't believe the things I heard.
Justin saved my life that night.
Not because I fully grasped God at that moment,
but because he made me want to come back on Wednesday.
I wanted to understand, just as I always have.
So, I went back.
Then I kept going with Nick.
Then I made friends.
Then, I began to understand.
Then I wanted God.
Then I stopped hanging out with the wrong people.
I stopped doing things I knew I shouldn't have done.
I started to care.

On April 1, 2009
Justin Gillespie baptized me
and immersed me into Christ Jesus.
Nick, Justin, and the body of Indian Hills Student Ministry
changed my life
just because they cared.
Because they made me realize that they cared.
They saved my life,
just as Jesus saved our lives when he humbled himself and hung on the cross.

So I thank everyone. :)

And today I'm crazier than ever! Yesss haha

And I'm not sure I'm hilarious

But I'm funnier then I used to be.

Happier.

I still have struggles

Because

Lets face it...

Everyone, no matter if you're like Ghandi, or Bill Gates, or Miley Cyrus....BLEH

We all have PROBLEMS! :)

Just like when you stick a mouse in a maze with cheese at the end

(cheese being like our problems) <--(addictions, whether it be drugs all the way to la musica)

We all find our way to the stinky cheese.

It's just a matter of being strong enough to pass it up

And find the exit.

LOL:)

Church & Purity/Abstinence Poles :)

So yesterday at church was amazing, as usual, and histerical.
We talked about sex again! And Miley Cyrus, of course!
Justin mentioned about how he can't stand Miley because of her bad decisions, her recent one being that she danced on a stripper pole at the Teen Choice Awards and called it her "Purity and Abstinence Pole." How retarded can she get? What is that?! So when I grow up, I'm going to dance on a stripper pole in front of thousands of 7-18 year old kids wearing short shorts and a shirt that shows my bra to promote abstinence! Yeah!

Stupid.

Anyway...
So we were at church.
Talking about sex.
Miley Cyrus on her purity abstinence pole.
Emotional, yet funny.
Justin explained how mistakes in the past are forgiven, because God is AWESOME!
And it hit me...
He wasn't just talking about sex here, he was speaking of all or any sexual activity.
You know, like making out and other teenage things that lead to sex.
Well, I knew I was guilty. And I was battling myself on the inside again to go up in front of everyone that night and admit to them that I've made sexual mistakes in the past, not that I've had sex, but I've made out once or twice. I was afraid to own up to my own mistakes. Just like Miley Cyrus is afraid that if she doesn't gain that sexual qaulity with her teenage audiance, she'll drop fans. What she needs to realize as a Christian is:
A) We don't want to see that!
& B) God is probably a little unhappy about showing off sexuality to the whole entire world. She needs to realize that its almost embarrasing to be a young Christian believer for the rest of us because of her actions, and because she acts the way she does we have to work even harder as a whole to show the world that Teen Christians aren't just sex addicts and rebels. If she wants to gain respect from us, she needs to stand up to prove the world that we aren't the way older generations believe we are. At least a lot of us aren't.

Anyway....
Serious talk today.
Good talk.

Remember, God forgives because he loves!
And don't support Purity & Abstinence Stripper Poles.
Stand up for the cause!





LOL:)

If I were a cat...

"If I were a cat..."
So let me tell you what I mean. It's not that I adore cats, because I don't. It's not because I have a pet cat, but I do (my fluffy wuffy itty bitty Little Bit!). That's just me, I'll be the one to leave you hanging. Because nothing I say makes sense...well, most of the time. At least my thoughts don't...or, do they? I don't know, one of them (either my speech or my mental capacity) is very screwed up. HA! Yeah...anyway. I'm Caitlin Camic, 16 years old, livin' life loving JESUS! Because you know who rocks? You don't? Well you suck then. JUSTT KIDDINGG! jk FOOLS...jk :). Jesus rocks. Jesus MUSIC rocks. Jesus' socks, if he ever wore socks - which is probably a NO - would have most definitely ROCKED. They would have rocked MY socks off! Yeah...haha.

So whats your favorite animal? Hello? Well alright then. I like platypi - or is it platypusses? Who really knows? NO ONE. That's right, you heard me, no one. Except me. Alligators are nice too, and wolves. Has any one here ever heard of a flagamupolous? No one? Really? No one...EXCEPT ME! HAAA!! (It's a flag pole monster, like the strippers of monster world!) <------SHAME! Shame be brought to those silly little flagamupolouses...yeah, haha.

If I had one, I would name it Dave. Dave. Yeah, I like that. Dave the flagamupolous monster! I shall name him Dave, and he shall be mine, and he shall be MY Dave. (Haha, SQUISHY!) :) I'll bet eight of the five people that read that doesn't get it. LIKE TOTALLY, L-O-L!

So has anyone heard that retarded song by Soildya Boy - or however he stupidly spells his name - LOL SMILEY FACE. WHAT IS THAT?! Lol...smiley face. Who would sing that? OH! OH! I KNOW! &0ULj4 |30i! That's who! HAAAA!! :) Well, tata for now, my wee pretties! Ho Ho Ho, I sound like a french pedestrian! WOOO!

FLAGAMUPOLOUSES ARE OUT THE HIS-HOUSE.







lol:)